Friends and Connections

Coming to New Zealand has made me realize how tough it can get to establish relationships with other people. Like hunting for a job, finding a friend with genuine intentions is like looking for a needle in a haystack.

Perhaps the cultural gap with other nationalities plays a crucial role. Don't get me wrong. New Zealand is filled with friendly people. I can just go to the grocery store and strike a conversation with a complete stranger. It is easy to strike up conversations but establishing friendships is a tough chore.

I have established friendships mostly with fellow Filipinos. I have a handful of friends that are Indians, Korean and Chinese. None of them are Kiwis. I talk to them a great deal at work but none that I would consider my friend. And what's my definition of a friend? Someone whom I can hang out, talk a great deal, share interests and make an effort to meet beyond working hours. 

I recently tried joining a band as I missed jamming and it would be a great opportunity for me to make friends. The band composed of a Samoan, Pakistani and a Kiwi and they are all males in their late thirties to forties. I only got to practice with them a couple of times only to realize that I just don't jive with my bandmates. When they started playing oldies rock like Jimi Hendrix and Deep Purple, it seemed they have gone off to a different planet and I was left to wonder where the heck am I. I felt like a total outsider and I have never felt more awkward in my life. How in the world could I play keyboards to a song that has originally no keyboards in it?! I just couldn't keep up with them. By the end of our second session, I was almost certain to call it quits. And the feeling was mutual. 

I never had issues getting along with my bandmates back home. Is it because we were all Filipinos and it's like there's an unspoken connection that automatically just make us all understand each other? Now I am hesitant to look for bandmates (not unless they're Filipinos as well). Why is it hard to get along with people in NZ? I miss the people back home. Their noisy laughter. Their great of sense of humour. 

I also just recently cut ties with a friend and it wasn't easy. It was heartbreaking. Cultural differences, personality clashes and perhaps even our religious views had placed their toll on us. I should be used to being detached as I grew older but I just found out that it's not the case. 

People come and go in our lives and the one who stay are the ones worth keeping as they say. I did let go of people in my life. I am now contemplating unfriending them in FaceBook (haha). Despite of it all, I am happy that I finally found a good set of female friends in New Zealand. It may just be a handful of them but I truly hope this time they are for keeps. In time, who knows I might call them my "family".