40 years and Counting

When I was a kid, I used to be ecstatic at the prospect of celebrating my birthday. My birthday is on Christmas Eve so my mom would always make it a point to throw a grand party with my extended family so it becomes like a Christmas Party as well. I would always be decked out in pigtails and a fancy party dress. The highlight of my parties was the "pabitin", a game where candies are strewn from a hanging device at the ceiling and then that device gets gradually lowered down so kids can pick as much candies as they can. 

But as the years passed by one after another, my birthday evolved into something of a dreadful creature to me. As soon as the fateful day looms near, I try to put it at arm's length by not thinking about it. 

Perhaps growing old never appeal to me as it used to when I was a kid. When you are a kid, your goal is to grow up and become an adult for you to enjoy life. When you finally step into adulthood, it's hardly that you anticipate growing old. There was even a joke that every time you have a birthday, you are one year step closer to your death (lol).

Last December marked my 40th birthday. I was sad to finally bade goodbye to my 39 years and enter the foreboding age of middle life. My head could only scream out, "Shucks, I am now 40 years old!!!".  It's an age where you no longer consider yourself young like in your twenties and experienced like in your thirties. There is tremendous expectation for a 40 year-old woman. For a 40 year-old woman could no longer get away with an excuse for being ignorant, immature and inexperienced. There is a certain degree of wisdom and success that a 40 year-old should possess in life. After all, it's at this age where one is halfway through to her retirement age.  

I don't think I can still live up to the standard of a 40 year-old. I do have a career in IT that I am passionate about and a loving husband that I can't live without. Yet I still feel like a child at heart. Is it because I am not a mother? Could it be that I don't have that many people who depend on me financially? I am not as stressed out as any mom out there burdened by parental obligations.  Should I be stressing my life more with responsibilities? Should my age dictate how I should behave? But at this point in my life, I am mostly concerned with earning more money so I can live comfortably, travel whenever I want to, buy whatever stuff I want and possibly buy a house. 

Anyway, I will grab life by the reins and seize every damn moment of my forty-something life! Let's bring it on!