Family Values
I and my colleagues had a very interesting discussion over lunch yesterday. It first started out with the RH Bill which I'll just deal in a separate blog, Then eventually the tide of conversation has flowed to the topic of close family ties in the Philippines.
It's a fact that Philippines is well-known for fostering close family ties. An adult living with his parents is considered typical unlike in other countries where you are forced to be independent by the time you hit 18 years old or graduate from college. In some ways, this may seem a good thing. After all, blood is thicker than water. In any crisis, your family is said to be your cushion whenever you're about to hit rock bottom.
However having close family ties can prove to be a liability as well. If your parents depend too much on you for financial support, you would certainly run into issues (and usually this is where conflicts sets in) when you start having to provide for a family of your own. I'm not saying that helping out our parents is a bad idea. As their children, we help in whatever possible means that we can as a form of our gratitude to them. After all, we owe it to our parents for rendering themselves to a life of sacrifice just so they can provide for our basic needs and raise us well.
That's fair enough particularly if you have money to spare, however harsh as it may sound, some parents tend to abuse this gratitude and use this as weapon so their children will keep supporting them financially. Some parents, upon having their child/children land a job, stop having a livelihood of their own and just depend on their offsprings for money. And most often than not, it's not just the parents but also their other extended family (e.g. aunts, uncles, cousin, etc) who would also try to "share" in your blessings esp. if they know that you get paid high at work. I have some friends who experience this dilemma and it's quite depressing to see them work so hard knowing that they don't really get to benefit much from their salary or even enjoy the rewards of their labor simply because their salary goes automatically to the seeking hands of other people every pay day.
So where do we draw the line? I know it would seem cruel to decline your family the money at times but I believe it has to be done esp. if you need the money on your own. It's really tough to be tagged as the "bread winner" of your family. It's a job responsibility that you can never afford to fail or even resign when things are not going right. After all, how can you say NO to your parents and relatives? But parents should realize that their children do not actually have financial obligations to them ,hence, they shouldn't force them to pay for their bills, medicines, amenities,etc. to the point of robbing them of their financial freedom. It's the parents' responsibility to provide, and not the other way around. That's true. Parents should provide and raise their children so that when they grow into adulthood they are capable enough to have a living of their own. It's just a backward mentality for parents to even think that they can just sit back and relax when all of their children starts toiling for hard-earned cash so they can just beg them for money every pay day. Likewise, it would be totally unfair for their children to still be begging them for money when their children already have families of their own to provide.
It all boils down to responsible parenthood. Close family ties is a good thing but can be precarious when money becomes an issue and children start being the parents of their parents.
It's a fact that Philippines is well-known for fostering close family ties. An adult living with his parents is considered typical unlike in other countries where you are forced to be independent by the time you hit 18 years old or graduate from college. In some ways, this may seem a good thing. After all, blood is thicker than water. In any crisis, your family is said to be your cushion whenever you're about to hit rock bottom.
However having close family ties can prove to be a liability as well. If your parents depend too much on you for financial support, you would certainly run into issues (and usually this is where conflicts sets in) when you start having to provide for a family of your own. I'm not saying that helping out our parents is a bad idea. As their children, we help in whatever possible means that we can as a form of our gratitude to them. After all, we owe it to our parents for rendering themselves to a life of sacrifice just so they can provide for our basic needs and raise us well.
That's fair enough particularly if you have money to spare, however harsh as it may sound, some parents tend to abuse this gratitude and use this as weapon so their children will keep supporting them financially. Some parents, upon having their child/children land a job, stop having a livelihood of their own and just depend on their offsprings for money. And most often than not, it's not just the parents but also their other extended family (e.g. aunts, uncles, cousin, etc) who would also try to "share" in your blessings esp. if they know that you get paid high at work. I have some friends who experience this dilemma and it's quite depressing to see them work so hard knowing that they don't really get to benefit much from their salary or even enjoy the rewards of their labor simply because their salary goes automatically to the seeking hands of other people every pay day.
So where do we draw the line? I know it would seem cruel to decline your family the money at times but I believe it has to be done esp. if you need the money on your own. It's really tough to be tagged as the "bread winner" of your family. It's a job responsibility that you can never afford to fail or even resign when things are not going right. After all, how can you say NO to your parents and relatives? But parents should realize that their children do not actually have financial obligations to them ,hence, they shouldn't force them to pay for their bills, medicines, amenities,etc. to the point of robbing them of their financial freedom. It's the parents' responsibility to provide, and not the other way around. That's true. Parents should provide and raise their children so that when they grow into adulthood they are capable enough to have a living of their own. It's just a backward mentality for parents to even think that they can just sit back and relax when all of their children starts toiling for hard-earned cash so they can just beg them for money every pay day. Likewise, it would be totally unfair for their children to still be begging them for money when their children already have families of their own to provide.
It all boils down to responsible parenthood. Close family ties is a good thing but can be precarious when money becomes an issue and children start being the parents of their parents.
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